The Trick

I watch Carid pace and hold back the laugh. Now isn’t the time. Not after he has realized he is capable murder, of ending a life for money. His hands run through ink black hair and he faces me, faces us, and his eyes are lost. “You do this, all of you. Kill and betray and lie and steal. You do everything that is against human nature. How do you live with it? How?”

I’ve seen people despair like that before but it fades in time, it fades or they die. There is no room in our job for regrets or shame. You get a job, you do the job, leave the emotion out of it. But that takes awhile for some to learn. “The trick is, to keep breathing. Even when you want to stop. Just keep breathing until it fades away for a time. Then you continue on.”

“That’s your coping advice? Just keep breathing? Gods, no wonder you’re so fucked up.”

“I never promised your sanity, just that you’d see tomorrow and maybe, if you’re lucky, the day after that.”

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