Endings

The ending wasn’t an end
Just a vanishing
That made me call it
Like a Dr. over a DOA
Made me drop the match and walk away
From all the could have beens
As the bridge burned hot and bright behind me

And I’ll admit
I shed some tears over you
Some out of anger and damaged ego
But some seeped out of the crack you left in my heart
Because the truth is
I liked you
More than I’d liked anyone in a long time
Enough that you ghosting
Took me some time to get over
Some time before slow moments
Didn’t cause your absence to rise up
And haunt me

I’ll never know why or what
Because you didn’t give me that
Even when I did the heavy lifting and asked
You wouldn’t give me an answer
You sat in your silence
And held your reasons tight
While I wondered

And I’m not much of a waiter
But in case you don’t realize
The time I waited for the answer you never gave
Was more than I’ve ever waited
For any answer
From any person

It’s sad really
Because you could have ended it different
But you were a coward
Which caught me by surprise
Makes me question my own judgement
Because how could I have been so wrong

There are still days
When it fires my temper
Makes me hope you bust a rim after I see you driving by
There are still days
It cuts the smile from my face
When I’m not busy enough to avoid the wondering

But I’m a resilient soul
I’ve always been happy by myself
I will be again
As soon as I fix the cracks and dents
Left by your carelessness

I guess you and I
Were one of those things
Not meant to see tomorrow

That Moment

that moment
when you
are so mad
so pissed
so furious
that your options narrow down
into two choices
     punching someone until you are pulled off
     because they have become everyone who has ever
     damaged your soul
          or crying
          until the anger empties itself
          in the form of salt water on your cheeks

that moment
when karma
instantly
bitch slaps you in the face and you realize
just what a hag you
have been

that moment
when someone
who didn’t have to
went out of their way
to make you feel
loved

that moment
when you must choose
to be you
or to fit in

that moment
when you realize
you are blessed
with friends
who don’t make you choose
to be you or to fit in
because
they know who you really are
with all of your imperfections
flaws
and cracks in a dirty mirror
but
for some wonderful reason
they still like you

that moment
when you hope to god
that was not the last thing you will ever say
to that person

that moment
when moving on
is so incredibly terrifying
that you cling
to the last chapter of your life
to what you know
to the devil you understand
rather than risk
the unknown

That moment
when you hold your breathe
because you have made a choice
and are unsure
of how it will play out

these are the moments that define us
shape us into who we are
and make us realize who that really is